10 Things I’ve Learned So Far in Motherhood
Some of you may know a few months ago—wait, SIX months ago—I became a mom. (How does the time go so fast?) It’s one of the few things in life that’s exactly as good as people say it is—and exactly as hard as people say it is too. Though it’s only been a short time, my little family has gone through so much together. It’s seriously hard to remember that life existed before my little guy.
Along the way, I’ve learned a few things. I’m sure that these are things a lot of you moms out there can relate to! And, I really wanted to share, because I do think with the right preparation and mindset, you can still keep your goals, principles, and identity after baby. But, it does take effort. Everything is different now! Here are 10 things I’ve learned in motherhood:
10 Things I’ve Learned So Far In Motherhood
Things don’t always go according to plan—be flexible.
From day one in the hospital, things do not go according to plan. I think I even went in with a pretty open mind, but I learned really quickly that, despite my loose birth plan, none of what was happening was in my control. I won’t get into the story here, but let’s just say labor and delivery was tough physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Anyway, since then, things “not going as planned” has become a theme. I sat in frustration and stress for a couple weeks before just accepting that things just aren’t going to go as planned. Instead of wallowing in it, letting it ruin my day, and taking on the role of “angry mom,” I just finally accepted it. I learned to anticipate detours and roll with the punches. It’s totally not my style, but it’s so important in motherhood to stay flexible to maintain a positive and productive mindset.
Lower your expectations on what can get done in a day.
I had days before my little guy where I felt unproductive. OH MAN. It’s so much different now. I can’t get through even half as many tasks as I used to. Experiencing this was a real wake up call and adjustment for me! I definitely had to take a step back and reframe my thinking around what "accomplishment" and "productivity" looked like for me.
Finally, I had to get it through my head that taking care of my baby counted as getting stuff done. In fact, I was getting a LOT of stuff done. I got my little guy to transfer to the crib for 2 naps, I changed 10 diapers, I scrubbed 3 pairs of jammies, I got him dressed in an actual outfit before noon, and I breastfed 12 TIMES! Guys, that’s so many things! Changing my perspective has been essential to my identity and outlook on productivity.
Time is FINITE. Mom-ing forces you to be a strong time manager.
Beyond viewing other things in my day as “productive,” I also just had to shorten my list. I found instead of creating a bullet list of everything I wanted to get done, I’d time batch and schedule my day loosely. I thought at first this would actually stress me out more, but it actually made me think about my time and realize . . . wait a minute, there’s no time for washing the bedding today? It allowed me to be a lot more realistic!
This also made sure that I always was intentional about my time. I make time to read stories to the little guy, spend time with my husband, and practice a little self-care too. Not only do I make time, I actually block it off in my calendar like everything else! It gives me a real sense of what “open” time I have.
Because of all of this, motherhood has actually helped me to be a better manager of my time, and has helped me set firmer boundaries on how I spend it. Like, I don’t want to sacrifice time with my baby when I workout, but I also need to get my exercise! So, I multitask by bringing him into our home gym with me and engaging him in the exercise. He has some entertainment and fun, and I get my self-care mom-guilt free. (Need ideas on how to invest more in yourself? Check out my post on that HERE.)
Don’t try to be a superwoman. Ask for help!
Okay, no matter how much I think I’ve gotten the time management stuff figured out since becoming a mom, we all have rough days. And, when you’re a mom, sometimes those rough days are a week or two long. This is especially true when you or the baby is sick, there’s a lot of work piling up, a sleep regression is hitting, or there are mounting repairs and household tasks that NEED your attention.
You’ve gotta ask for help. It takes courage, because you want everyone to see that motherhood isn’t hard for you. But, guys, it’s hard for everyone. There’s no shame!! And, people around you are probably just waiting for the call. They’d love a few hours playing with your baby. They’d love to sit with you and fold laundry. And, they’d probably even be okay bringing over a meal! Just think, wouldn’t you be happy to do it for your friends? Well, then chances are they’d be happy to do it for you.
If you can’t find someone to help out, or you need an extra hand on a more long-term basis, hire someone. Someone else can clean your house, mow your lawn, babysit for date nights—you can even find personal assistants for families if you need help with tedious day-to-day tasks like making appointments and creating grocery lists. As long as it’s in the budget, there’s no shame in hiring help!
You need community with other parents to help you navigate new waters and feel supported in the journey.
Having a community reminds you you’re not alone and makes the world of a difference when tackling parenting challenges! I hope you already have tons of people around you, but if you don’t, it may be time to step outside of your comfort zone. You can attend mom events, go to kid-friendly spots around town, join an app like Peanut, or find a motherhood small group to meet other parents to do life with.
Parents with kids the same age as your little is great, but don’t shy away from mothers further along in their journey. Their wisdom is seriously so helpful when you run into a new problem. It may be a new milestone and challenge for you, but a lot of these moms have been there, done that. They can help!
Take care of your health, so you can have strength to care for others.
It’s so easy to want to do it all. The first thing that you may be tempted to ditch is your own health and wellness. You don’t get dressed in the morning, you don’t eat right, you don’t shower, you don’t sleep, you stop focusing on finances, and you just . . . survive.
Now, I get this survival mode, especially if your baby has high needs or you’re struggling with something beyond “the baby sads.” But, if you can, it’s so important to stay focused on your own needs, so you can be the best mom you can be to that new baby! It’s the classic “secure your own mask before helping others” mentality.
So, try to get dressed, do your workouts, take a nap, eat right, and do everything else that’s important to the core of who you are. If you find yourself struggling, definitely try a coach. A nutrition coach, a personal trainer, or life coach can help encourage you and keep you on track, even when things are tough.
And, understand that this may all look different than it did before. Take it slow on the workouts, give yourself grace on the food, and, yes, some days you’ll stay in your PJs. Just don’t let yourself spiral. Keep focused on both the health of you and your new buddy!
Accept that motherhood is redefining your sense of purpose in your career, finances, and future plans.
I know so many women who were surprised by how much their outlook on their lives, careers, and relationships changed after their child was born. I really thought I had a strong enough sense of self that this wouldn’t happen to me (I’m sure everyone thinks that), but I definitely felt it too. It’s scary at first, because you think you’re somehow compromising, but really your perspective is just changing!
Accept your thoughts when they’re different from what they used to be. Be okay with your new money goals. Welcome your changing views on the things around you. Acknowledge your new purpose and allow it! Now, I don’t recommend you quit your job really suddenly or just start cutting people out of your life left and right, but don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to change things. Sit with it for a while, mediate/pray/journal about it, and make the change if that’s where your heart is.
(I should note, I don’t plan on changing anything big. I’m still coaching and am more affirmed than ever that this is what I want to do! But, everything from how I spend money to the hours I work feels like it has a new purpose now. It’s beautiful, exciting, and also a little scary. Hah!)
If you have a partner, keep open communication as you both adjust to this new season of life.
Remember, this is a new season of life for both of you. Not just your life has changed, but your partner’s life has changed too. Heck, even your baby’s life has changed. A few months ago, everyone was just hanging in their comfort zone. Now everyone is dazed and confused! (And, really, really tired.)
You’ve got to communicate with your spouse and have an open door policy that allows them to speak their truth too. Yes, even when you’re super hormonal and experiencing a lot of mood swings, you need to keep yourself available to hear what’s going on in their world.
Remember, marriage isn’t 50/50! There are times you’ve only got 25% in your tank and your spouse has to do the other 75%. A few weeks later, it may be the opposite. Don’t let bitterness grow, and just remind yourself things are new and hard for everyone and needs must be communicated to ensure they’re met. This is the only way to keep your home stable, sane, and hopefully well-rested . . .
Time is precious. Be present.
I have definitely learned how valuable time is. I used to see time more as a vehicle to progress and move forward. It’s still that, for sure. I’m a very driven person! However, now I really understand what it means when people say “time is precious.” Now, time is something that’s integral to my relationship with my child. I am hyper aware how limited my time is with him in a day, and I want to use my time best to be present with him.
This is hard for me. I am always trying to think a few steps ahead, but I understand now that I need to be present! There will be a day he doesn’t want to contact nap anymore and his grin is no longer toothless. There will be a night he doesn’t need my comfort and a morning I don’t get to open my door to his smiling face. Guys, remember how valuable every day is with your children and savor every moment! Right now, it feels like the most important thing I can do.
Your child is watching you! Your actions are an example to them.
Ugh, this one is tough. This is both good and bad. I am so happy my little guy gets to see me caring well for myself. He can see me exercise, eat well, stay hydrated, keep clean, and do what I love. I’ve been reminded how important it is to not only take care of myself for me, but it’s important for my son too.
He’s going to model my behaviors and attitudes, so I want to show him my best! It’s a lot of pressure, but it’s also one of the best accountability tools. (Not recommending you have a baby if you struggle with accountability. Haha. Just saying you should change your perspective if you’re worried about what your child may “take” from you.) Just be your best self, and do what’s needed to become that amazing, well-rounded, AND well-rested person.
Motherhood changes everything in the best possible way!
Though I’ve learned a lot, I still have so much to learn. And, I am choosing to be excited about that process, because although this is the hardest phase of my life so far, it’s by FAR my favorite. I cannot wait to see what the next season brings! Until then, stay tuned on updates on my blog and if you’re struggling with accountability, work with me. I’d love to take my new perspective to help other moms out there like me. You deserve the best!
